Sunday, 10 March 2013

The Lie

You know what I'm talking about.

It's my niece's birthday today and everyone in our family finds the supermarket birthday cakes over nine thousand times too sweet. I don't even like icing that much. My sister, Mir, was adamant that the birthday cake be pretty, so of course we decided to make that cake.

I often make cake but I never decorate them. What I produce is literally a slab of sponge, and the most exciting thing about it is that it's got cinammon in it and sometimes some sultanas. (Tastes awesome though, which is the important thing to me!)

This cake contains many lies:
  • What appears to be buttercream is actually banana. Where the heck do they sell it? Is it in a tub, or in a packet? Or are you supposed to make it yourself? Banana is the right colour so I sliced it up to put on top of the jam.
  • We used raspberries instead of cherries because cherries are just crazy expensive this season. Not that raspberries are cheap! The real Portal cake looks like it's got flipping gobstoppers on it - the cherries are humungous.
  • The cake is evidently not black forest gâteau, like the one at the nearby bakery the Valve people based it on. I know nothing about types of cake and I can only make plain sponge.
Our other main shortcut is that we bought the icing ready-made, and just spread it on. The dark chocolate flakes, however, my sister painstakingly grated herself. Gotta love Cadbury's Bournville.

Our magical sponge cake recipe ingredient ratio is as following. Multiply or divide as necessary.

sugar : margarine : self-raising flour : eggs
250g : 250g : 300g : 3

Mix together the sugar and margarine into a paste. Add eggs and mix until you've got this really disgusting-looking yellow liquidy stuff. The flour goes in last.

As well as the birthday cake, I made the world's ugliest cupcakes. I am just not a cake-decorating person. I appreciate beautiful cakes, but it usually involves obscene amounts of icing, and like I said, it's just far too sweet for me.

If you liked this, have a look at my other Portal-related posts!


  1. Your cake looks so good! Love the idea of using banana instead of butter cream too. I'll definitely have to try it :) x

    1. Only problem is, after a day the banana looks really manky! But I think the cake is all gone now. Gotta eat it fast.
      Thank you!

  2. I love cake. Would want to try this. And uh oh with hassles but everything turn out to be good right? :) love food post!! :) Have a great week! :)


  3. LMAO!!!!!! It was cool until I reached the end of the page and saw the cupcakes. Suddenly getting the flashbacks of people telling you off. Can't stop laughing now for some reason... I'm really seeing the funny side. Especially loving the one in the mid bottom with two spikes!

    1. All you guys dissing my beautiful cupcakes xD I'm laughing now too. They really are spectacularly misshapen. Oh well, we have a muffin tin now.


Thank you ♥

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