It's my niece's birthday today and everyone in our family finds the supermarket birthday cakes over nine thousand times too sweet. I don't even like icing that much. My sister, Mir, was adamant that the birthday cake be pretty, so of course we decided to make that cake.
I often make cake but I never decorate them. What I produce is literally a slab of sponge, and the most exciting thing about it is that it's got cinammon in it and sometimes some sultanas. (Tastes awesome though, which is the important thing to me!)
This cake contains many lies:
- What appears to be buttercream is actually banana. Where the heck do they sell it? Is it in a tub, or in a packet? Or are you supposed to make it yourself? Banana is the right colour so I sliced it up to put on top of the jam.
- We used raspberries instead of cherries because cherries are just crazy expensive this season. Not that raspberries are cheap! The real Portal cake looks like it's got flipping gobstoppers on it - the cherries are humungous.
- The cake is evidently not black forest gâteau, like the one at the nearby bakery the Valve people based it on. I know nothing about types of cake and I can only make plain sponge.
Our magical sponge cake recipe ingredient ratio is as following. Multiply or divide as necessary.
sugar : margarine : self-raising flour : eggs
250g : 250g : 300g : 3
Mix together the sugar and margarine into a paste. Add eggs and mix until you've got this really disgusting-looking yellow liquidy stuff. The flour goes in last.
As well as the birthday cake, I made the world's ugliest cupcakes. I am just not a cake-decorating person. I appreciate beautiful cakes, but it usually involves obscene amounts of icing, and like I said, it's just far too sweet for me.
If you liked this, have a look at my other Portal-related posts!